Anthony
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(Redirected from The One Man Environment Wrecking Machine)
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Anthony Cumia (April 26, 1961- )
Anthony Cumia is one half of the radio duo Opie and Anthony.
The Early Years
- Spent his formative teenage years living in Southern California with his father.
- His father got him laid for his 13th birthday by the 'babysitter', Buzz.
- Buzz and Anthony had a lengthy sexual relationship - Anthony was the only kid in school that could truthfully claim that he was late for class because he was banging his girlfriend.
- Anthony's Brother Joe once came up with the idea of switching girlfriends at midnight. Anthony declined.
- He narrowly avoided a hot gay teen treehouse experience with Tree Fort Richard by pretending to be asleep and coining the phrase "jeebjeebjeebjeeb".
- He owned two guns by the age of 14 (A Winchester 30-30 and a Ruger 22 Cal Six Shooter).
- He was eyewitness to the accidental near-fatal shooting of 8-year-old Charlie Reyes, by Juan Reyes, his father, more than 100 miles from civilization.
- His father got him laid for his 13th birthday by the 'babysitter', Buzz.
- Used to cry a lot as a child, much to the frustration of his father.
- His mom and dad had a very tumultuous relationship, eventually leading to their divorce. Ant recalls one incident where his dad threw spaghetti at the wall during an argument.
- His CB handle was The Wrangler.
- He was once severely disappointed by Dreamweaver.
- Once took a picture with Groucho Marx. The exact circumstances of how he met Groucho are still under investigation.
- Admitted to having had a crush on his cousin years ago, who he thought had a nice ass.
- Never graduated high school. He was short a year of Gym credits.
- Went to school with Boomer Esiason.
Before the Laughter
'lil Anthony Cumia photographed while not crying
- Used to work at Apollo Air Conditioning before finding fame as a shock jock. He used to dream about shooting down space aliens while stapling together metal ducts.
- Lived in a house with deadbeat friends in Greenlawn, Long Island. He bought a Jet Ski with his credit card and used his work van to tote it about and pretended the rear of the van wasn't rusting away.
- Was in the band Rotgut with Brother Joe.
- Unhappily married to a woman named Jennifer; he is now happily (at least until he writes out his alimony checks) divorced.
- Was friends with Adam Ferrara before he became a famous stand-up comic.
Fun Facts
- Has built up a high tech webcast studio in the basement of his home from which he has produced Live from the Compound, named after his home which is nicknamed The Compound. One broadcast was 12 hours long.
- Is suspected of having a massive member.
- Is known as "The One Man Environment Wrecking Machine".
- He spent $1,050 in electricity bills for the month of September, 2008.
- He also used 197,000 gallons of water from July, 2008 to the end of September, 2008.
- Known as Professor Anthony due to his vast knowledge of useless information.
- Once wore a periwinkle shirt. He denied it up until his girlfriend called in and verified the color.
- The shirt in question also had peach and seafoam green stripes.
- He has been reported to have Bert Convy hair.
- Answered one of Jim Norton's farts, thinking it was someone talking. He became known as the Fart Whisperer after that.
- Was goofed on for going to a No Doubt concert.
- He is a germophobe and recluse, esp. with regard to ANY bodily fluids.
- He once threw out a lightly used sectional sofa, due to the fact that one of his girlfriends' nephews had wiped a booger between the cushions. He opted for a new couch, rather than chance ever coming into contact with said booger.
- He will not shake your hand. You always offer up a "knuckle bump" instead. If he sees that you have just come out of a bathroom, don't even bother. He doesn't want a "handjob by proxy".
- He hates children. He tells a fantastic story of how one time in a resturaunt a child was running around making a lot of noise. As the child passed his table he knocked his own water glass onto the floor and said "Whoa, hey, look out" as if the child had done it. The parents of the child told him to apologize to Ant for what he had done. Ant stood there and waited for the ill gotten apology and made faces at the child when the parents weren't looking.
- Has recently moved to Long Island, where he lives in a very white, very Jewish neighborhood.
- Had learned a valuable lesson about Halloween, and will be turning his porch light off at sunset this year.
- Keith the Cop has his own room at Ant's house.
- Is a fan of "the era" of World War II; this is sometimes confused as him being a fan of Nazism (not that Anthony minds the insinuation).
- Known to get angry at other drivers during his commute to and from work; racial epithets are often used.
- Used to own a cat, Jack Jack, given to him by Steven S from Bayshore (as he liked to remind everybody).
- Does a lot of drinking.
- Known for doing a lot of gambling. He won so much money at Mohegan Sun one time that the casino arranged to fly him and his family out there in a private jet.
- Is very fanboyish during some interviews and will sometimes take over the interview (examples: Shawnee Smith, Ken Burns, and Terry O'Quinn and Michael Emerson from Lost); he also took over the interview when he and Opie appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman.
- Currently drives a Shelby Mustang and a Cadillac Escalade - often at dangerous speeds (as evidenced by the numerous times he's been stopped by cops).
- Enjoys attending Renaissance Festivals, where he dresses up in a Medieval ensemble and carries with him "The Sword of the Gay."
- Has a Call of Duty 4 team called The GAAYS
- Was in a "serious" relationship with CW11 traffic girl Jill Nicolini.
- The couple was known as "Antholini" during their time together.
- The relationship ended horribly when Jill caught Ant with another girl.
- Really likes his guns. He has several pistols and long guns. He also has a CCW for New York state.
- Does not have hair plugs; they are individual follicles placed artistically in the direction in which the hair grows.
- Likes to date much younger women
- Took a 17-year-old to his high school reunion in 2009.
- Took a girl to the hospital for asthma and she had to be treated in the pediatric ward.
- Had a couple of stalkers. One visited Anthony at The Compound. Another, The Cunning Linguist, was harassing Ant online.
- Has worn women's panties. Anthony says he likes the silk of them, but hasn't done it in years. From what Ant says, he does not do it because it's sexual, he does it because it's "silly" to see his boner stick out the top of them. (January 26, 2012)
Anthony's List of Impressions
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