Ted Sheckler
From OAPedia.com
Ted's Halloween Costume
Ted Sheckler is the name Jim Norton uses for his character Ted. Jimmy also changes the last name to fit whatever he is using Ted to make fun of at the moment. Jimmy uses this name so often that a promo was made which included many of the Ted characters Jimmy created. As Ted Sheckler, Jimmy's voice sounds very similar to Frank the Frowner's.
Ted is an entrepreneur, who runs many businesses, most of which are emporiums. The products and services are usually impractical, or reflect Ted's poor business acumen.
Ted has a nervous stomach, and often panics over seemingly miniscule things. Ted's parents are divorced, and he claims his mother began sleeping with men who are 'not of the white persuation'. His mother, Beverly, used to work in a Bamberger's department store and was fired for defecating on the floor. Ted's mother called him "Theodore" when she was scolding him (i.e.Theodore, take that out of your mouth and tell your friend to go home!). He is also terrified of ghosts (pronounced ghosts-ts-ts-ts). He was touched by Uncle Paul as a boy, who claims Ted fell on a skate. Ted has said that Paul is indeed his uncle. Ted also frequently refers to Opie by his given name, Gregory (Ted says 'Gregory', although Opie's real given name is 'Gregg').
Contents |
List of Teds
- Ted Blanket (appeared July 14, 2009)
- Ted Christ (appeared March 31, 2010)
- Ted Costner (appeared May 20, 2010)
- Ted Diddy (appeared April 28, 2009)
- Ted Fernel
- Ted Glory
- Ted Golf (or Ted the Golfer)
- Ted Luther King (appeared March 4, 2010)
- Ted Munchausen
- Ted Penn (and his brother Pig... a boo) (appeared November 2, 2009)
- Ted Phillips (appeared September 24, 2009)
- Ted Seinfeld (appeared November 18, 2008)
- Ted Snopes
- Ted Tarantino
- Ted Zeppelin (appeared October 7, 2009)
- Ted the Apostate (a.k.a. Ted the Homosexual)
- Ted the Boxer (appeared November 7, 2008)
- Ted the Bee Expert
- Ted the Black Person(appeared February 2, 2010)
- Ted the Cake Maker
- Ted the Caveman (appeared July 15, 2009)
- Ted the Chicken Dancer
- Ted the Cookie Maker
- Ted the Daredevil (appeared January 5, 2009)
- Ted the Everquest Addict
- Ted the Fearful Flyer
- Ted the File Backer Upper
- Ted the Film Flub Catcher (Appeared April 18, 2011)
- Ted the Funeral Director (Appeared July 23, 2009)
- Ted the Ghosts-ts-ts-t Hunter (appeared October 21, 2008)
- Ted the Grief Counselor (appeared June 3, 2009)
- Ted the Indian (appeared during the week of April 19-23, 2010)
- Ted the Indy Driver
- Ted the Lightbulb Expert
- Ted the Motivational Speaker
- Ted the NHL Commissioner (appeared July 7, 2009)
- Ted the Parasitically Infected Ant
- Ted the Pilot
- Ted the Prude (a.k.a Ted the Louis C.K. fan)
- Ted the Reverend (appeared September 22, 2009)
- Ted the Roaster AKA Toaster (appeared September 30, 2009)
- Ted the Scientist
- Ted the Serial Killer (appeared October 22, 2008)
- Ted the Sexually Abused Older Gentleman
- Ted the Sherpa (appeared July 14, 2009)
- Ted the Watchmaker
- Uncle Ted Sheckler (appeared August 13, 2009)
List of Ted's Businesses
- Ted's Afterlife Emporium (appeared June 4, 2009)
- Ted's Art Repair Emporium (January 25, 2010)
- Ted's Bee Removal Emporium (November 9, 2009) *Not to be confused with Ted's Pesky Bee Removal
- Ted's Big Vacuum and Mile Long Pipe Emporium (May 4th, 2010)
- Theodore's Cake Emporium
- Ted's Condiment Emporium (August 5, 2010)
- Ted's Crappy DVD’s and Cotton Ball Emporium
- Ted Sheckler's Documentry Making Company Inc. (Appeared September 22, 2009)
- Ted's Famous People Photograph Emporium (mentioned during the week of October 19-23, 2009)
- Ted's Feather Emporium (September 28th, 2011)
- Ted's Fire Emporium ("I'll burn ye!" - mentioned October 27, 2009)
- Ted's Fish Catchery (Appeared September 8, 2009)
- Ted's Flea Stompin' Emporium (January 22, 2010)
- Ted's Flood and Safety Emporium (Appeared August 10, 2009)
- Ted's Fruit Roll-up Emporium
- Ted's Funeral Emporium and Final Resting Place Inc. (Appeared July 23, 2009)
- Ted's Genital Emporium (November 15th, 2011)
- Ted's High Yield Bank Emporium (November 2nd, 2011)
- Ted's Hot Seat Emporium (November 11, 2009)
- Ted's Inspirational Emporium (October 18th, 2011)
- Ted's Light Bulb Filament Emporium
- Ted's Mermaid Clothing Emporium (October 26, 2009)
- Ted's Pesky Bee Removal Emporium (appeared May 26, 2009)
- Ted's Pointed Question Emporium
- Ted's Power Plant (Appeared August 13, 2009)
- Ted's Pubis Thinning Company
- Ted's Refurbished Pistachio Emporium (Appeared March 31, 2009; though not addressed as an emporium)
- Ted's Screen Installation (Appeared September 22, 2009)
- Ted's Shot Put Palace
- Ted's Special Bag Emporium (Appeared March 4, 2010)
- Ted's Steak Emporium (Appeared October 7, 2009 and December 9th, 2011)
- Ted's Tent Emporium (Appeared September 28, 2009)
- Ted's Turkey Burger Emporium (Jimmy mentioned this on March 29, 2011, but noted that it burned down)
- Ted's Used Can Opener Emporium
- Ted's Used Mattress Emporium
- TedShecklersRareYetNotImpossibleToGetMovieMemorabilia.com (appeared February 24, 2009)
List of "Theodore..." Scolds
- "Theodore, those are my dishes!"
- "Theodore, remove your genitals from inside that vacuum!"
- "Theodore, take that out of your mouth and tell your friend to go home!"
Famous "Ted" Quotes
- "The sun is owned by Jews; I want it shut down!"
- "I was sleeping the other night; I heard a thud, and I knew it was the demons who'd come to drag me away- so I sat up and masturbated until the sun came up."
- "Yes, that painting, I used to have that but I traded it for the comforter he (Scatman Crothers) was laying on. I have that, the comforter. And I have three of his giant black toenail clippings. I use them as visors when I play cards."
- "Ghosts-ts-ts are very fridening."
- "I want to make you come so hard your cancer wig falls off!" (October 13, 2009 show)
- "Y'all niggas don't know what I'm dealing with up in this motherfucker!" (October 20, 2009)
