Robert Kelly

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Robert Kelly is a comedian and frequent guest on The Opie and Anthony Show.

Official Bio

Boston native, Robert Kelly recently taped an episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. He also guest starred on ABC's sitcom The Job with Denis Leary and appeared on NBC's Law and Order: Criminal Intent playing a detective opposite Vincent D'Onofrio.

Taking the stage, he gives off a non-stop energy that grabs the audience's full attention. Robert's cutting edge humor and strong dynamic presence keeps you laughing into the next joke. His routine consists of mischievous and playful situations that we all can relate to in our years of growing up, college, and relationships. He's an expert in making you laugh at all the strange things we do!

His other television credits include Comedy Central's Premium Blend, NBC's The Carson Daly Show, Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn and MTV. With over a dozen independent movies under his belt, Robert is a favorite at clubs and colleges nationwide.

Trivia

  • Known for the catch phrase "NOT YOU" when he thought Jerry Seinfeld wanted him to join him for dinner.
  • Cried like a bitch when a Dominican fella broke his knee playing touch football on the Tourgasm off days. He asked a dude to "hold his hand" when he broke his fat knee.
  • Loves to watch documentaries about midgets and cry like a fag.
  • Held a rock over a retarded girl's head and forced her to perform oral sex on him.
  • Likes to fuck hotel sinks.
  • While these pictures show a younger, thinner Bob, he is currently a fat overweight fuck. He is often compared to a manatee.
  • Had a man-crush on Tom Brady of the New England Patriots, until they lost to the New York Giants in Super Bowl XLII.
  • Often recites conversations beforehand so he can look smart.
  • Once told people in a promo to go to Tower Records to buy his new comedy CD, even though Tower Records went out of business.

Image:Bathroom.jpg

Quotes: "I broke my knee man" and "Hold my hand..."

Things Bob Kelly has puked at

  • Sandy Kane's hemorrhoid
  • Sandy Kane's genital wart, nicknamed Twatto, after she flicked it. This happened again a second time she visited.
  • Jim Norton broadcasting his shits over the air.
  • Hearing Opie describe Jim's dumps as "firecrackers going off in the mud".
  • Pat from Moonachie's asshole
  • After learning Pat from Moonachie put Bob's phone against his balls prior to Bob himself using it.
  • When a listener pulled a long, booger-like substance out of his ear due to an ear infection, both times.
  • When another listener ate the ear infection that the listener above pulled out.
  • Big Rhonda's hernea, twice
  • After Craig the intern sucked Big Rhonda's hernia
  • Ari Shaffir's hemorrhoid
  • When a What the Hell Is That? contestant squirted pus out of a lump in his head.
  • When another What the Hell Is That? contestant was leaking out of his deformed nose.
  • After the video of Pat Duffy brushing his teeth with dog shit was played at one of the Traveling Virus shows.
  • After Danny showed Bob what he wiped out of his ass.
  • 2 Girls, 1 Cup video - puked multiple times, like a big sweaty-headed baby (twice)
  • Vaginal discharge being described as cottage cheese.
  • The goatse.cx man shoving several dildos into his asshole.
  • Rich Vos's babies diaper.
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