Jim Norton

From OAPedia.com

Contents 1 James Norton (July 19, 1968- ) 1.1 A Meaty-Breasted Nothing 1.2 Official Autobiography 1.3 The Early Years 1.4 Jim's Characters 1.5 Fun Facts 1.6 Quotes 1.7 Jimspirations 2 Credits 2.1 Radio 2.2 TV 2.3 Film 2.4 CD 2.5 Books 3 See Also 4 External Links

James Norton (July 19, 1968- )

Jim Norton is a professional comedian who was born and raised in New Jersey.

A Meaty-Breasted Nothing

HIV Status: POSITIVE

Currently taking a regimen of Children's Tylenol and is addicted to Breathe Right strips

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Official Autobiography

"I was sitting in my apartment, looking at my naked body in a mirror and contemplating suicide. My manager called and informed me that I need to update my bio. I have always detested bios written in the 'third person.' Every performer either writes or approves his or her bio. Third person makes it seem like a bunch of people got together to discuss the performer's wonderfulness and just had to write it down for the world to see.

I also loathe the wording in a lot of bios. I did not 'burst on to the scene', nor do I leave crowds 'rolling in the aisles' 'on the edge of their seats' or 'gasping for air'. Some nights I kill, other nights the crowd wants to gut me with a fishing knife. I am a relatively amusing in a child molesting/stomach cancer kind of way.

Being pegged as an 'angry comic' truly makes me want to vomit. To me the only labels in comedy that matter are 'funny', 'original' and 'hack'. By original I don't mean so weird that Andy Kaufman wouldn't get it and by hack I mean the next comic who writes a girl fart joke should have his writing hand smashed with a mallet. There is no subject I won't make fun of (with the exception, of course, of girl farts). This has nothing to do with integrity, it's because smelling them gives me an erection.

I am 5'7, 150 lbs with brown hair, brown eyes and have a torso with the muscle tone of Christopher Reeve's thighs. I enjoy dining out, dancing and receiving yellow discipline from black prostitutes. Judi Brown of the Aspen Comedy Festival said, 'He's so brutally honest. He's very refreshing in a business where a lot of people are phony.' That is probably the nicest compliment I have received as a performer."

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The Early Years

• As a young boy, he and his friend played a game called "Monster Rain", which involved getting under a porch and giving each other oral sex.

• Used to have imaginary friends named Helen and Jimmy Robinson. Jimmy also fantasized about the rock band KISS pushing him down the stairs and then comforting him afterwards.

• There was a "haunted" creek near Jimmy's childhood apartment that the neighboorhood boys called "Devil's Creek" where an older boy would bullying Jimmy into given him oral treats.

• During adolescence, Jimmy was a wigger before it became fashionable to be so. He often wore a Kangol hat and once had it taken off his head by a Negro gentleman. He snatched it back and lamely told the guy, "If you wanted to see my hat, just ask!"[1]

• Belonged to a gang called The Lords.

• Jimmy and his friends would often perform horrible pranks on unsuspecting bystanders. These include: filling a man's newspaper with cat feces, dropping dog feces into the library's book return, placing feces in mail boxes, urinating on someone's faucets and mirrors, throwing cups of urine on pedestrians, spilling motor oil into open car windows, smearing melted chocolate ice cream on a fur car-seat, egging pedestrians, and throwing a flaming sofa off the bed of a truck, into the road. This prompted Patrice Oneal to declare "Norton was a fucking menace!".

• While on a bus, Jimmy had his boombox and played Quiet Riot's cover of "Cum on Feel the Noize" to a girl hoping she'd like him. He also had dandruff in his hair and a greasy forehead at the time because he didn't wash his hair a lot.

Jim's Characters

(according to Mr. Norton himself on the November 11, 2009 show, this list was compiled by Harry Trufflebutt)

Jim Norton portrays a myriad of characters on the radio, including:

• Ben from Boston/Herky Jerky Ben
• Boardroom Jimmy[2]
• Trinidadian Jimmy[3]
• Chip Chipperson
• Coach Jimmy[4]
• Edgar
• Frank the Frowner
• Helen Bergeron [5]
• "Hwizardry" (sometimes called Ted the Wizard)
• Jimcy
• Liddy
• Marmalade Sally[6]
• Ramon
• RedCoat Jimmy[7]
• Saudi Jimmy (Jan 21, 2010)
• Christian Jimmy (Apr 8, 2009)
• Smooth Jazzy Jim
• Steve from Yellowstone
• Swedish Jimmy (Jan 25, 2010)[8]
• Ted Sheckler
• Uncle Paul
• Jimspirations (As of June 4, 2010)
• Sudley (June 1, 2010)
• Worst Example Jimmy (Mar 2, 2010)
• Aunt Jimmy (April 27, 2010)
• Valley Jim (February 1, 2012)

In addition, Norton has a set of goof personae that he pulls out every so often, such as:

• Jive Talkin' Jimmy
• Inspirational Jimmy [June 1, 2010] - Gives inspirational messages called "Jimspirations"
• Subliminal Jim
• Literal Jim
• Mean Jimmy
• Wide Eyed Jimmy (January 3, 2011)
• Sports Jimmy (March 8, 2011)

Jimmy also does brilliant impressions of:

• Andy Rooney
• Alan Alda ("YES!")
• Al Pacino
• Fat Bob Kelly[9]
• Robert DeNiro
• Steve C
• "Uncle Ted" Nugent
• Bobo Jimmy (appeared 5/21/10)

Jimmy has also invented fictional characters for books, movies and other events:

• Turk February[10]
• Lorenzo Fhuzzbhutter (4/14/10) - Hot shot astronaut. Does loop-dee-loos. Has a "Rocketman" tattoo on his arm.
• Bill Tetley (12/13/10) - Action Adventure Superstar.

Fun Facts

• Was an alcoholic in high school, and lived with his parents until he was 30. He eventually moved into an apartment with Jim Florentine that had black mold all over the walls and was infested with silverfish.

• He has opened for Andrew Dice Clay, and is known for his extremely raunchy brand of humor. He has admitted that his early comedy was awful, though. One early joke he told was about how rich people refer to Chunky Monkey as "Obese Primate". He also talks about his first TV appearance on Friday Night Videos and how embarrassing that is to him.

• Norton became a regular on The Opie and Anthony Show on WNEW, and was arrested in connection with a stunt performed on the show involving the Voyeur Bus which drove through the streets of Manhattan with naked women dancing in front of the windows. Before he became an official member of the show, it was cancelled due to the St. Patrick's Cathedral sex incident during Sex for Sam 3.

• During a phone interview on O&A with Andrew Dice Clay, he admitted to drinking a woman's urine out of a wine glass (which he justified by insisting he only "sipped" it). He later admitted that urine tastes like popcorn. He also likes having women drop doody logs on his chest.

• For over a year, Norton was a regular guest on the Comedy Central TV show Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. He also was selected to be in the final twenty contestants for the second season of Last Comic Standing, but had to back out due to contractual obligations.

• Jimmy has numerous experiences with prostitutes, and has often cruised around New York in his Saturn looking to pay for sex. This addiction led to Jimmy picking up a tranny without realizing it (or so he says). He currently is single.

• He served as the best man at Rich Vos's wedding to Bonnie McFarlane in 2005.

• In an article he wrote for an independent film magazine, he stated that his favorite actor was Laurence Fishburne. He also stated that his favorite film was A Clockwork Orange, and when discussing the film, said "Kubrick should still be winning awards for combining rape, extreme violence and classical music".

• An obsessive fan of rock legend Ozzy Osbourne, he goes to Ozzfest every year and has a signed Black Sabbath poster in his apartment. He eventually met Black Sabbath during their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction.

• Norton has a collection on his website of photos he has taken with celebrities. The impressive collection includes such big names as Woody Allen, Christopher Walken, Ozzy Osbourne, Laura Bush, Scarlett Johanssen, Bruce Springsteen, and Dave Grohl.

• He has been known to stink up the studio with his horrific farts, especially when he "gets scared".

• Is a shameless Plug Whore and will do what he can to plug his upcoming comedy gigs on the air.

• Often pretends each day is his birthday. His actual birthday is July 19.

• Was known for wearing Breathe Right strips on his nose; eventually had surgery to fix his nasal passage.

• EatABullet.com is his official website.

• To leave Jimmy a phone message, call (917) 267-2602. Jimmy will also occasionally call fans back.

• On the November 11, 2009 show, revealed that he used to be called "Ol' Phlegmmytits Jim".

• Cried during a discussion of Roger Ebert's apppearance on Oprah to discuss his thyroid cancer (March 3, 2010).

• Makes Sam very jealous by having two of the biggest wrestlers, The Rock and CM Punk, as fans of his comedy.

Quotes

• "You know what you are? You're a rock with teeth."
  • Spoken to Rich Vos.
• "Ted is a goddamned fool."
• "Right on my FUCKING FOOT!... I have a foot thing on my foot!" [11]
• "I say your mother sucks pony dick on film, and you call me a troll? Do I trip-trap under a bridge? Drop dead, motherfucker!"[12]
• ""He's coming up for air"
  • Said to Robert Kelly after he spit out water at another funny Jim Norton line.

Jimspirations

• Inspiration is better than being outside of spiration
• If you mind is on negativity then negativity's under your hat
• The loudest plane does not inspire as much as the quietest bird
• An up that is shut is not as good as a up that is open
• To rush to a destination is to abandon a place
• Someone who tries to be a black guy, is gonna get a black eye
• The more they break the levys, the more they build up our endurance
• The more you flood us with water, the more we'll flood you back with love and desire
• Money is only a tool to build selfishness or happiness
• A nightmare is only a dream that hasn't been attempted

Credits

Radio

• The Opie and Anthony Show on Sirius 197 and XM202

TV

• Down and Dirty with Jim Norton (2008, four episodes)
• Friday Night Videos (1996)
• The Jay Leno Show (Multiple appearances)
• Jim Norton: Monster Rain (2007) .... himself (One hour HBO Comedy Special)
• Lucky Louie (2006) .... Rich
• One Night Stand (2005)
• Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld (Multiple appearances)
• The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (Multiple appearances)
• Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn (Multiple appearances)
• Zrock: Episode 206 (2009) .... As himself

Film

• American Dummy (2002) .... Eddie Barnum
• Brokers (1997) .... Homeless Guy
• Cop Out (2010) .... Hoodlum
• Errors, Freaks & Oddities (2002) .... Paul
• Furry Vengeance (2010) .... unknown
• The Gynecologists (2003) .... Sheldrake
• Rock Bottom (2002/II) .... Diesel
• Sidesplitters: The Burt & Dick Story (2000) .... Dick
• Spider-Man (2002) .... Surly Truck Driver
• Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2008) .... Auditioner

CD

• Trinkets I Own Made From Gorilla Hands (2005)
• Yellow Discipline (2003)
• Despicable (2011)

Books

• Happy Endings: The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch (2007)
• I Hate Your Guts (2008)

See Also

• "Bob?"
• Decoupage
• Dr. Kaku
• Frrrrrrunkis!
• "Is It?"
• Jimmy Tide
• "Karma Chameleon"
• Kate Beckinsale
• Linda Stasi
• Mijmi
• Opie/Norton On-Air Argument
• Phenomenal
• Roy Den Hollander
• Steve Martin
• Tender Sentiments
• Yaphet Kotto

External Links

• http://www.eatabullet.com - Jim Norton's official website
• http://www.myspace.com/jimnorton - MySpace page
• http://www.nndb.com/people/927/000031834/ - NNDB Entry
• http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1171163/ - IMDB Entry