Jim Norton

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1 James Norton (July 19, 1968- )
2 Credits
3 See Also
4 External Links

James Norton (July 19, 1968- )

Jim Norton is a professional comedian who was born and raised in New Jersey.

Meaty-Breasted Zilch

HIV Status: POSITIVE

Currently taking a regimen of Children's Tylenol

Official Autobiography

"I was sitting in my apartment, looking at my naked body in a mirror and contemplating suicide. My manager called and informed me that I need to update my bio. I have always detested bios written in the 'third person.' Every performer either writes or approves his or her bio. Third person makes it seem like a bunch of people got together to discuss the performer's wonderfulness and just had to write it down for the world to see.

I also loathe the wording in a lot of bios. I did not 'burst on to the scene', nor do I leave crowds 'rolling in the aisles' 'on the edge of their seats' or 'gasping for air'. Some nights I kill, other nights the crowd wants to gut me with a fishing knife. I am a relatively amusing in a child molesting/stomach cancer kind of way.

Being pegged as an 'angry comic' truly makes me want to vomit. To me the only labels in comedy that matter are 'funny', 'original' and 'hack'. By original I don't mean so weird that Andy Kaufman wouldn't get it and by hack I mean the next comic who writes a girl fart joke should have his writing hand smashed with a mallet. There is no subject I won't make fun of (with the exception, of course, of girl farts). This has nothing to do with integrity, it's because smelling them gives me an erection.

I am 5'7, 150 lbs with brown hair, brown eyes and have a torso with the muscle tone of Christopher Reeve's thighs. I enjoy dining out, dancing and receiving yellow discipline from black prostitutes. Judi Brown of the Aspen Comedy Festival said, 'He's so brutally honest. He's very refreshing in a business where a lot of people are phony.' That is probably the nicest compliment I have received as a performer."

The Early Years

As a young boy, he and his friend played a game called "Monster Rain", which involved getting under a porch and giving each other oral sex.

Used to have imaginary friends named Helen and Jimmy Robinson. Jimmy also fantasized about the rock band KISS pushing him down the stairs and then comforting him afterwards.

During adolescence, Jimmy was a wigger before it became fashionable to be so. He often wore a Kangol hat and once had it taken off his head by a Negro gentleman. He snatched it back and lamely told the guy, "If you wanted to see my hat, just ask!"

Belonged to a gang called The Lords.

Fun Facts

Was an alcoholic in high school, and lived with his parents until he was 30. He eventually moved into an apartment with Jim Florentine that had black mold all over the walls and was infested with silverfish.

He has opened for Andrew Dice Clay, and is known for his extremely raunchy brand of humor. He has admitted that his early comedy was awful, though. One early joke he told was about how rich people refer to Chunky Monkey as "Obese Primate". He also talks about his first TV appearance on Friday Night Videos and how embarrassing that is to him.

Norton became a regular on The Opie and Anthony Show on WNEW, and was arrested in connection with a stunt performed on the show involving the Voyeur Bus which drove through the streets of Manhattan with naked women dancing in front of the windows. Before he became an official member of the show, it was cancelled due to the St. Patrick's Cathedral sex incident during Sex for Sam 3.

During a phone interview on O&A with Andrew Dice Clay, he admitted to drinking a woman's urine out of a wine glass (which he justified by insisting he only "sipped" it). He later admitted that urine tastes like popcorn. He also likes having women drop doody logs on his chest.

For over a year, Norton was a regular guest on the Comedy Central TV show Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn. He also was selected to be in the final twenty contestants for the second season of Last Comic Standing, but had to back out due to contractual obligations.

Jimmy has numerous experiences with prostitutes, and has often cruised around New York in his Saturn looking to pay for sex. This addiction led to Jimmy picking up a tranny without realizing it (or so he says). He currently has a girlfriend, although their relationship is very tumultuous; at one point, he told her to get her stuff out of his apartment.

He served as the best man at Rich Vos's wedding to Bonnie McFarlane in 2005.

In an article he wrote for an independent film magazine, he stated that his favorite actor was Laurence Fishburne. He also stated that his favorite film was A Clockwork Orange, and when discussing the film, said "Kubrick should still be winning awards for combining rape, extreme violence and classical music".

An obsessive fan of rock legend Ozzy Osbourne, he goes to Ozzfest every year and has a signed Black Sabbath poster in his apartment. He eventually met Black Sabbath during their Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction.

Norton has a collection on his website of photos he has taken with celebrities. The impressive collection includes such big names as Woody Allen, Christopher Walken, Ozzy Osbourne, Laura Bush, Scarlett Johanssen, Bruce Springsteen, and Dave Grohl.

He has been known to stink up the studio with his horrific farts, especially when he "gets scared".

He does brilliant impressions of Alan Alda ("YES!"), Jack Klugman from Quincy, M.E. (A.K.A. Jimcy), "Uncle Ted" Nugent, and Robert DeNiro. Has also created the original characters Steve from Yellowstone, Frank the Frowner, Uncle Paul, Liddy, Boardroom Jimmy, Coach Jimmy, Literal Jim, Jive Talkin' Jimmy, and numerous people named Ted.